Steps to Inclusivity

When taking inventory of how I’ve been directly or indirectly racist, I keep having a flashback about my "boyfriend" in first grade, Jerome. For some reason when telling people about him I would stress that even though his name sounded like it, he wasn't black. I don’t know why I did that, but I do know I can’t stop thinking about it now. 😞 

I remember my grandfather telling racist jokes at dinner and it infuriated me. I would get so pissed, angry and was never quiet about it. 

Then I have a memory of the next boy I "talked to" in junior high, he was black. And my parents, that I thought felt like me, enraged by racist jokes, enraged about slavery and discrimination and loving everyone, were both super upset by it and forbid me to date him. Most people that know me, know I'm a do what I want person. And I did and I still do. However, the interactions with my parents was one of those defining ”I am obviously not a racist” moments, that I wore like a badge of honor.

Since I was always so open and accepting of people, I somehow thought it was ok to share stereotypes. Bc I loved black people, and I "knew" them and "got them" I could make statements that I now see were not ok. Like me losing spades at a black family’s house and doing a shot of hot sauce that one time made me get it. Like because I dated black boys and had black friends I could understand their pains and their "things.” That because I've been to black bbq, parties and clubs... I got a pass. I honestly thought because I was clearly in my heart and how I lived my life in what I believes was the opposite of racist that I was doing my part. That I understood. 

I remember my AP Gov teacher in high school teaching us how wrong the term melting pot was. And why to not say “I don’t see color.” That it not only doesn’t honor cultural differences, but disregards them. And it clicked. But still I thought I understood. I thought my jewish ancestry made me get it. I thought that me growing up in a different socioeconomic class than those I went to school with, by growing up poor, that I got it. Bc I understood what white privilege is, that I got it. Bc my daughters first babydoll was black and the one Barbie santa brought her was too, that I was doing the work.

Clearly, I was missing the mark. 

These past couple weeks have been eye opening and just the beginning of me getting educated, listening, learning and doing better. 

I thought because I was so clearly not racist in my own mind, seeing and loving everyone so wholly, that I wasn’t part of the problem. Since I have loved black people and was so enraged by their treatment throughout history and they ways they are still oppressed today… that I got it. That I was “woke” Layers and layers of uncovering are happening. 

I am working to be a serious ally. To be intentionally and actively anti-racist. I want everyone to be appreciated for their diversity, celebrated and feel loved, seen, held, protected, safe. I want to shine my light and use my gifts in support of those who are oppressed, marganizilied, treated as less in any way.  

For a long time, I haven’t shared my voice on a lot of things important to me. I’ve often shielded part of my story bc it wasn’t on brand or what I wanted my brand to be about. And just to make it clear - my brand is LOVE and my brand is UPLIFTING (aka WING FLUFFING) and standing with, for and up is part of that. If that rubs anyone the wrong way, we’re clearly not an energetic match anyway. This is how I get to be authentic and true to myself. 

As an empath I have hid behind not wanting to trigger or upset other empaths. Which is pretty valid … we are sensitive. But me afraid of triggering others has led to me censoring myself. I don’t know all the steps, I don’t even know half of them. Just this one. My declaration of doing the work to be an anti-racist, of ally ship, tom amplify and support, to shine my light, to stop censoring myself and really share my heart. My gifts are in perfect alignment to help and support and I am going to use them. 

I have begun to take steps in my own life and business toward more inclusion and investing time, energy, resources and money in support. I know this is the beginning and I promise these changes will continue. I am not looking for acknowledgment in my steps or to tell others how to take theirs. I just want to share in transparency of where I am with this. I’m doing the work. And I believe with enough of us doing the work, we will see shifts. 

Thanks for the space to share.