Speak Up

I’ve known about many of the atrocities being highlighted in the BLM movement. That's not new for me or many others. I have witnessed and thought a lot about racial injustices throughout my life. I have felt heart broken more times that I could share around the criminal justice system, around treatment of black people historically and at present, about the discrepancy in opportunities and representation. I have thought a lot and often about how white washed much of the things around me and now my child are. 

There is a difference between then and now. 

Then I didn't realize my part in it. I didn't see how I could be part of the support or the shifts. I didn't foresee the changes happening in or around me, and certainly not on an institutional or systemic level. 

Now I see there are things I can do. I see there are things WE can do. There are A LOT of people coming together and saying let’s shift this shit. It doesn't feel hopeless. There is so much momentum and as the fire settles a bit, we can't let this flame of momentum burn out. 

It feels important and neccessary that we all continue this forward motion. 

💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫

That said, I do again and clearly want to state that I apologize for calling people out, instead of in. I want all of you beautiful empaths to feel safe with me. My actions were not only ineffective, they were harmful.

I acted and reacted without first sitting with it. 

If you’re not sure what I’m talking about. As soon as I was aware of George Flyod’s murder, I got really loud, fired up and aggressive. I called out people in my industry, I basically told everyone if you have a voice you better use it. 

I am never one to say this is THE way, this is THE ONLY way, this or else… but that’s what I did. And as gross as it probably felt to be witnessing that, I can’t even tell you how it felt to be on this end. I was completely consumed with judgment and resentment and anger. 

I so badly wanted to help. I wanted to take a stand. I wanted to support. And I didn’t know how to do it. Instead of sitting with the discomfort of not knowing what to do or say, instead of being fully in the discomfort of the sadness and anger and fear crashing in, of my eyes being opened even more, I spoke and posted out of alignment. I didn’t wait until I found my truth. 

And posting and using my voice in that way only made the resentment and judgment grow. 

I was uncomfortable and knew I wanted to help and support and declare the atrocity that I was witnessing. As soon as I was offered a way to do that… or I saw others do it a certain way… I just acted, without feeling into it, without an alignment check. Without taking the time to sit with it and ask if it was the right thing, if it was helpful or harmful, if it was my truth. 

This actually isn’t a new pattern for me of doing that. It is something I’ve been working on. I have a note card on my desk reminding me “Don’t act on others’ advice before an alignment check.” It’s been there for several months, after yet another time catching myself doing this. 

Part of my work in the world is to use my voice. Part of my work is holding space so you can use yours. However inciting shame as a way to open your throat chakra is not my way. Actually dismantling the shame narrative is a huge part of my work with empaths and lightworkers. So I really needed to check myself there. 

As an empath it’s easy to fall back into the tendency of the subconscious people pleaser. Knowing that when you’re in agreement with where someone else stands, that feels good to make that person feel supported and have that confirmation. And so sometimes without thinking of our actual opinion we find ourselves agreeing, going along with or mimicking how another is doing it. It’s so important for all of us to take that time to go within and check with our intuition before acting. 

Does this feel aligned and at this time? If I have resistance coming up, what is it? If I’m feeling encouraged to take this action, why? Just knowing what’s in my heart before action is a brilliant way to be aligned and authentic. Authenticity is when outward expression matches your inward expression. And that is super important to me and the reason for sharing this. Sometimes we will fall out of alignment, act without being centered in our truth, unintentionally hurt people. I hope that I will find my courage to apologize and make things right and do things differently and more aligned every single time. 

We each have our own medicine and will be called to use it in different ways. 

I don’t get to or even want to decide how you will rise up and use your medicine. I do have a talent in recognizing what your medicine is and helping you get out of your way so you can rise. I do have an ability to clearly see your wings and your magic and fluff your wings so that you can fly.

However, calling people out isn’t my thing. I would like to use this opportunity to both apologize and say what in hindsight I would have loved to do from the start.

I encourage you to recognize and declare your magic, your medicine. your gifts, your super powers. I encourage you to ask how embracing and rising up in those areas can support the people, causes and things that are important to you. I encourage you to check in and see how you can show up in the way that honors where you are. 

Clearly. I don't get it right all the time. Even now sharing this I hope that I am not centering myself in this. But it does feel important to let y'all know where I am. In the slight chance that this helps someone else to find their alignment, their voice, forgive themselves for misalignment, feel seen or supported... I have to keep showing up in the way that honors where I am. And I will continue to use my gifts and support you in using yours. And I pray that we will all continue to keep this fire burning for racial and social justice and reform. 

Love, light, trust and action.