A Cold Sore?!!??!!! Shake my booty anyway OR play the shame game?

To be honest, this is one of my works in progress posts. I didn't ace it with a million percent self confidence, as I intended. However, I am really proud of the marked improvement from how I've dealt with it in the past.

I try to keep an attitude of thanking my triggers and knowing that they’re there for a reason. When it comes to a cold sore, it is easier said then done. I am triggered by these fuckers in a HUGE way. Lots of people get them and if you’re one of us - then you can probably relate. They seem to come at the most inopportune times, like right before a big event. In all honesty, I don’t know if there is ever a desirable time to deal with one of these papas. For me they have always felt like a plague and a cause of shame.  

In the past, I would do whatever it took to get out of work, school, social invitations, etc when I was not so gracefully rocking one. Either I would legitimately be sick or manifest sick in my life as a way to hide away from the world. The physical pain, although great, shys in comparison to the mental anguish I have put myself through. As soon as one of these puppies would pop up I went into self attack mode, judgement city, shame game — total victim attitude. I know how this sounds, I am boo hooing about a blister. The truth is, it doesn’t matter how it sounds — that was my truth. 

This time, it happened super quickly and I didn’t even have time to respond before a growth the size of Texas made residence on my upper lip with a heart beat and area code of it’s own. I prayed for it to secede from the union that is my face, but alas it replied “I have lots to teach you grasshopper.” Dammit. Ok, I’m listening. 

A still shot during my Periscope broadcast - My coming out party for rocking the cold sore.

It came up at a time that I had let some self care practices slip as I was majorly overworked, over scheduled and under slept. I was feeling stress of 5 of 6 weekends of travel, my biggest and most important speaking engagement approaching and making major moves in my career. My first sign was feeling exhausted (for an energetic butterfly that requires zero caffeine - This sign could have been enough). Then came the sore throat and the itchy eyes. Then came opportunity after opportunity to say no to others and focus on myself, but I rode the train of momentum until it crashed. And crashed hard.

 I knew what I had to do. I had to listen to this trigger and ask my blister what it was here to teach me. When the overwhelming response was self care, I listened. I postponed my travel a day and dedicated it to sleeping, relaxing and self caring. I took the day off work and found the most gentle place I could find inside myself. I focused on ease, grace, acceptance and kindness.  

Having the best time at Jessica's bachelorette @ Venice Cafe in Saint louis, Missouri.

To test the waters and my cojones, I live streamed a video about it on Periscope. Was it uncomfortable to put myself out there in this way? Heck yes it was. Did I do it anyway? Oh yeah! It feels good when you face a fear and realize, hey that wasn't so bad. That made my next decision a bit easier - do I hide myself away or go and play? I realized, cold sore or not, I was done hiding in shame. So, I went out of town to celebrate a dear friend’s bachelorette party. It was the best decision and the best time. Although I was aware that it was there, I was even more aware that I was shakin my thang anyway! 

Maybe one day I will rock the blister with pride. In truth, I camouflaged that bad boy with red lips. There were moments I forgot about it and moments of feeling insecure. The more I focused on having fun and shining with love, the easier it was.

Instead of seeing how far I have to go, I see how far I've come. Instead of criticizing where I'm not, I celebrate where I am. <--- Tweet this! 

Can you relate to this work in progress story? Have you ever hid something in shame only to get to a place of learning and growing? Please share in the comments below.

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Intentional Breathing Exercise

Find yourself in a comfortable seated or lying position. Set a timer for 3 to 10 minutes. Close your eyes and focus on your breath. Breathe fully and deeply, with equal length inhales and exhales. Silently repeat with your breath….

Inhale "Ease"

Exhale "Grace"