I f*cked up...

Out of darkness comes the LIGHT.

Last weekend, I went to the most magical, gorgeous, romantic wedding. Instead of shining my light like I was born to do, I stood in my shadow side. I chose to party my ass off, instead of organically sparkling like I do best. Did I have fun? Hell yes, I did! Am I proud of how I did it? No, I'm not. The truth is how I act doesn't just affect me. Whether I shine or sink, I am responsible for the energy I bring into a room and into the world.

Saturday morning, hours before the wedding, my iPhone broke. That little act knocked me off my unicorn. I ignored the post-it staring at me that said "stillness"  and the goddess card propped on my desk. The goddess Sige, had come to me earlier that morning urging me to find quiet time. Instead of meditating and setting powerful intentions, I worked to fix the phone. I read more articles than I can count, watched videos etc. The day before was the 2 year anniversary of my soul dog's ascension. I was feeling sensitive, emotional and vulnerable. This is not an excuse for what happened. However, it is a reminder. It's a reminder that times like this call for extra self-care and clear intentions. A reminder to call in the big guns. Surround myself with support from my team above and also beside.

In the past I would have spent much of the next day sending apology texts to my super acceptant and wonderful friends. Sorry we didn't spend as much time together as I hoped, sorry I was annoying.... yada yada. Since I didn't have my phone it highlighted that none of that really mattered the only one's forgiveness and acceptance I ever really needed was my own.

I spent 3-4 days nursing a hangover and fighting all the negative self talk I heard in my ahead. My ego constantly urged me to feel ashamed and beat myself up. That's exactly what I did every time in the past - I gave into those voices. I became the judge and jury of myself and I never got out of it with a long painful trial and sentencing. This time, I fought the temptation to go there.

The dark times when we feel most buried, isolated, alone are actually the times to be most grateful for. The times where we nurture ourselves and blossom even more beautiful than before. The times that make us realize, everything happens for a reason. Everything is happening for us, not to us. This is all part of the plan, this is all happening for our highest good.

I am not my past. I am not who I was 5, 10, 20, 30+ years ago. I am not who I was 2 months ago or even yesterday. I am not what happened to me. I am not my misdoings. I am not my body, mind, sorrow, guilt or grief. I am not a jack-in-the-box that keeps going back inside of who I use to be and popping out every once in a while to shine. I do not live in that box, however sometimes I forget. I retreat. I mess up. I hurt people. I hurt myself. This doesn't mean that I haven't changed or I am who I was yesterday. It means that I make mistakes, so I can learn and grow. So I can be brighter, more loving and accepting today. 

To everyone I've hurt, including myself: 
I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.

I am my soul. Today I intend to make good choices, to be present in the moment, to shine. I forgive me. I accept me. I love me.

When I find myself in the darkness, I know that extreme self care, self acceptance and trust is the way out. I know to be gentle with myself and connect with my spiritual team. These 6 days without a phone have been a blessing and a wonderful opportunity to disconnect from the world and reconnect with myself. Thank you all for holding space and allowing me to be my flawesome self. 

I don't do the work I do in this world becasuse I have it all figured out. I have never and will never claim that. I am working on everything, just like you. To learn we read and to master we teach. My passion is to figure it out and help others do the same. 

I would love to hear how you can relate to any of this by commenting below.
 

Intentional Breathing Meditation

If you find yourself in a place of struggle this week as well, try this exercise with me. Find yourself a comfortable position. Set a timer for 3 to infinity minutes. Close your eyes and focus on your breath. Inhale and exhale, deeply and fully. Silently repeat as you breathe.

Breathe in "Acceptance"
Breathe out "Forgiveness" 

LOVE and HUGS,

Sara